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Vote for Greyson!

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a good start to describe what PPA is like...

this is borrowed from Postpartum Progress

....."You may have postpartum anxiety or OCD if you have had a baby within the last 12 months and are experiencing some of these symptoms:

• Your thoughts are racing. You can't quiet your mind. You can't settle down. You can't relax.
• You feel like you have to be doing something at all times. Cleaning bottles. Cleaning baby clothes. Cleaning the house. Doing work. Entertaining the baby. Checking on the baby.
• You are worried. Really worried. All. The. Time. Am I doing this right? Will my husband come home from his trip? Will the baby wake up? Is the baby eating enough? Is there something wrong with the baby that I'm missing? No matter what anyone says to reassure you it doesn't help.
• You may be having disturbing thoughts. Thoughts that you've never had before. Thoughts that make you wonder whether you aren't the person you thought you were. They fly into your head unwanted and you know they aren't right, that this isn't the real you, but they terrify you and they won't go away. These thoughts may start with the words "What if ..."
• You are afraid to be alone with your baby because of the thoughts. You are also afraid of things in your house that could potentially cause harm, like kitchen knives or stairs, and you avoid them like the plague.
• You have to check things constantly. Did I lock the door? Did I lock the car? Did I turn off the oven? Is the baby breathing?
• You may be having physical symptoms like stomach cramps or headaches, shakiness or nausea. You might even have panic attacks.
• You feel like a captive animal, pacing back and forth in a cage. Restless. On edge.
• You can't eat. You have no appetite.
• You can't sleep. You are so, so tired, but you can't sleep.
• You feel a sense of dread all the time, like something terrible is going to happen.
• You know something is wrong. You may not know you have a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder, but you know the way you are feeling is NOT right. You think you've "gone crazy".
• You are afraid that this is your new reality and that you've lost the "old you" forever.
• You are afraid that if you reach out for help people will judge you. Or that your baby will be taken away.

Now that you've gone through these lists are you thinking "How the heck does this lady know me? Is there a hidden camera in here?" Nope. What this should tell you is that you are NOT alone and you are NOT a freak and you are NOThighly unusual. If you are having these feelings and symptoms then it is possible you are experiencing a common disorder that 15 to 20% of new mothers have, and it is completely treatable........"

I don't have ALL of these symptoms but I have most of them... I feel like a freak.

I thought this was funny

Subject: Random thoughts

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary? (Actually they are going to stop teaching this….)

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection.. .again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail.. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well..

20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay

tuff

It's hard to explain what I am going through right now... but here are a couple of blogs that I just started to follow... what I have is called Postpartum Anxiety or PPA. I guess it's more common than I thought... but no one talks about it. I wish they did... I never thought it would happen to me and I'm sometimes still in a sort of denial about it... mind over matter I hope!

Here are the blogs:

Confessions of a first time mom

and

Postpartum Progress

Sorry, again...

Haven't felt much like blogging lately... my anxiety has returned and I am just trying to take it one day at a time. I will try to post some pics soon. Overall the concert was great... and it was great to see it with Tina. I do feel like I am getting too old to be standing on the floor, battling it out for a better position at these concerts. From now on I think I will opt for a seat.

The Nike race was most excellent too. It was so much easier to do it this year, not being 6.5 months pregnant! It was a breeze... ha ha. It was nice to spend the weekend up in San Fran and just chill out. However, being alone, my anxiety got the best of me and I wasn't able to enjoy it as much as I would have liked to. Moving on.

Fall lineup- final

• Cougartown- not watching it
• Accidentally on Purpose- not watching it
• New Adventures of Old Christine- love of course
• Grey's Anatomy- love of course
• 3 Rivers- still have to watch it... it's on DVR
• Biggest Loser- not watching it
• The Good Wife- good.
• Modern Family- funny!
• Brother's & Sisters- kinda getting dumb, but will continue to watch
• The Middle- not watching it
• Private Practice- Hell yeah I'm watching.... it's gotten INTENSE!
• Desperate Housewives- will, of course, continue watching
• Flash Forward- not watching it
• Mercy- good

So there you have it... so 9 out of 14 made the cut. Not bad. Not that ANYBODY cares... who am I anyway? Oh, that's right, I'm "TYPE A CHRONICLES."

light on blogging

Not that I've ever been heavy on blogging... I try to update at least once a week. I'm late for this week's update. Sorry. This weekend I am headed off to Florida to see Tina and we're headed to Tampa to see U2. Wahoo!!! The much anticipated concert of the year is finally about to happen. I'm sure I won't be disappointed. Next weekend I'm off to San Fran to do the annual 1/2 marathon, as in the Nike Woman's Marathon/half marathon, as in a new Tiffany's necklace. This will be #6... can't wait to see this year's version. I will fo sho have an update and some pics after these two fun-filled weekends. Stay tuned.

Fall lineup part 2

So, some of the reviews are in and here is what I think so far:

• Cougartown- eh... it's ok... probably won't DVR it
• Accidentally on Purpose.. decided to not even try it, the previews were ok... I don't think I'm missing anything.
• New Adventures of Old Christine- love of course
• Grey's Anatomy- love of course
• 3 Rivers- net yet shown
• Biggest Loser- they have started to draaaaagggg this show on for too long. So, I've sort of given up.
• The Good Wife- good. I think I will continue to watch it.
• Modern Family- funny! Will continue to watch it.
• Brother's & Sisters- tonight
• The Middle- not yet shown
• Private Practice- not yet shown
• Desperate Housewives- tonight
• Flash Forward- good... but I think I'm cutting it... only because there are only so many hours in a day
• Mercy- good... will continue watching it... I love medical shows... so, go figure

Other random things.

The garage sale went ok. I made over $20 which was my modified goal. We're in a recession... no one was shopping.

I got the flips... but after Wendy's recommendation... so I will have to try hers next time. So far I really like the ones I got... they actually have some arch support!!! The brand is "Rainbow"... I've never heard of them before but there was a kiosk at the mall with a GIGANTIC flip flop that caught my attention. They have like a 10 year guarantee to not fall apart and they are made in Carlsbad... so I thought it was a good deal all around.

Love

I need a good caption for this

Random

Being back at work hasn't been bad. I have plenty of pictures of the dude up at my desk, so I get to see his smiling face all day long. The days are SUPER busy so they fly by... and it's nice to be getting a paycheck again!

Getting excited for fall, although in these parts it's getting warmer instead of cooler... darn it. Supposed to be up in the 100's by Wednesday. YUCK. I want the cool weather please. Maybe October will finally cool off.

Also getting excited for fall tv. It all starts tomorrow... woo hoo.

Today:

• get flips flops that don't fall into the "will wash my car in them" category (so I can wear them to work)
• laundry
• dinner with an old friend, Kevin
• blog
• sort through Mr. Man's clothes that he insists on growing out of
• relax- ha!
• nurse my broken toe- ouch! (see story below)
• get stuff ready for garage sale next Saturday (my goal is to make $100)

Story:

So, when choosing a highchair for Greyson, I didn't opt for any old plastic variety.... nooooo... I just HAD to have the WOOD one that matched my kitchen table (stupid idea). Well... the other day when putting Greyson in his highchair, I dropped the tray on my toe. It took a direct hit and is all black and blue and I'm sure I'll lose the nail. Gross and painful! I look at the bright side... at least I didn't drop the baby. Whew! I can't wear regular shoes yet, because they put too much pressure on the toe (thus the need for "nice" flips) which also means I can't do any power walking or running. Boo.

Sorry I haven't had time to blog during the week... I'm SUPER busy at work and when I get home I am too pooped. Sundays will have to do!

New fall lineup

The are 14... count 'em, 14, shows that I am going to attempt to watch this fall. Is that crazy or what? A few are considered "try-outs" like "Accidentally on Purpose" and "Cougar Town," but some are tried and true like "Grey's Anatomy," "Desperate Housewives," and "The New Adventures of Old Christine." There are also some that I am pretty sure I will get hooked on like "3 Rivers," "Mercy," and "Flash Forward." I might as well list the last few that I am going to check out... those include:

Biggest Loser

The Good Wife

Modern Family

Brother's & Sisters

The Middle

Private Practice

Good thing I have a DVR!!!

What shows are you guys interested in this Fall?

Go Melanie!!!

This year's US Open has been very exciting. My new favorite player is Melanie Oudin. She's almost 18 and the newest firecracker on the tour. She is AWESOME. If you've seen her play you'll know why I say that. She made it all the way to the quarterfinals this year. Next year, she'll win it!!!

I heart Melanie Oudin.

use the DAMN bike lane!!!

As I'm sure it is the case in the development of most laws and fine print, etc., I believe that the city created a bike lane because those people that ride bikes must've complained loud and hard that they needed a place to ride their bikes alongside cars and next to sidewalks. Well... they got what they asked for SO.WHY.DON'T.THEY.USE.THEM???? Yes, 4 question marks because I am 4 times as confused as the normal person. WTF, Chuck? So there I am, running on the sidewalk... where people should be walking or running... and I have to dodge many a biker ON.THE.SIDEWALK. Look... you have your VERY OWN lane. It's even labeled. USE IT!!! It's SO irritating when there is a bike lane and bikers insist on riding on the sidewalk AND at a million miles an hour AND super close to us runners/walkers... MOVE.OVER... as in INTO YOUR OWN LANE ASSHOLE! I so badly want to hurl a stick into their spokes... but I don't because I really am a nice person. I thought it though.

7 months already?

Seriously? Why not?

{click image to enlarge}

Latest project

I finally got around to making this silhouette of Greyson... it was super easy to make. If anyone wants to know how, let me know. I think I will make one of Tony and myself and have them all on the family "picture wall."

CONGRATULATIONS Park View!!!

Congrats on the big win... wooo hoooo!!!!

Image via

re-inventing the school picture

I found this site while blog-surfing (via ohdeedoh) and absolutely LOVE the idea of changing the look of old school, school pictures. Here is a sample below (image from Stomping Ground Photography) ... and you lucky SOB's in New York can actually use this photographer.

mamma got a new pair of shoes

There is nothing sweeter than a new pair of shoes (ok, I lie, there are many things sweeter, but me loves me some new shoes). Nothing gets me more motivated to start or continue running or to push myself harder. Usually a new pair of shoes is my kick-start to a new running season. This time, I started running again first, to prove to myself that I can still do it. Thanks to a coupon and a gift certificate from Jean, I only had to pay $3 for these new shoes; isn't THAT exciting? The only bad part is that the place I've been running lately is a dusty, dirty, dirt path and my old shoes are a gross dark brown because of it. I hate getting new shoes dirty... so what do I do? Maybe I'll just wear my old ones on the dirt path and my new ones to bed? They could be my "indoor-before-I-go-out-running" shoes. My ultimate goal is to start running with my old running group in two Saturdays (this Saturday is G's last swim lesson). They will probably be up to about 5 miles by then, Gosh, maybe more. I'm aiming to get up to 5 before I rejoin them and I've only got a week and a half to get 'er done. These new shoes are a giant step forward, aren't they lovely? *swoon*

so serious...

He's much too young to be so serious, don't ya think? This one's a thinker. Yup. Sometimes he just looks at you with this serious look, as if to say "I see stupid people."

ez iced tea

I believe I got this idea from Angry Chicken... but it works SO WELL and I Love it SO MUCH... I just had to pass it on. I love to drink fresh iced tea, but I don't always have room in my fridge for a big ol' pitcher of it... ya know, with the milk jug and OJ jug and 50 diet pepsi's in there, there's not much room left. So what you do is take a jar (I used a clean spaghetti sauce jar) and fill it with cold water, insert 3-5 tea bags and pop it into the fridge overnight. You end up with super strong tea. So you grab a glass, put maybe 1/4 cup of this concentrated tea in, add some ice and water and BAM... iced tea. What I love is that you can have a few different flavors going at the same time. Thanks Angry Chicken!

peaches & teething biscuits

Have you ever noticed that baby food "peaches" smells like feet? What's up with that? I never noticed that the actual fruit smelled like anything other than peaches. Weird.

And... is there some sort of black market thing going on with freaking Gerber teething biscuits? OH.MY.GOODNESS. After our ped rec'd them for G, I went to two grocery stores AND Babies R Us and nobody had them. Finally a friend of mine pointed me in the secret direction of Walmart. I HATE going to Walmart. I hate the types of people that frequent my local Walmart and I regret it every time I go in there, which is not often at all. I went today though... ahhh... what we do for our children!

Finally... some good has come from Facebook!

Yes, I am FINALLY thankful that I have a FB account. An old, but GREAT, friend contacted me through the FB email system and I finally read said email and we are now back in touch! In case you need to know, we are in touch via REGULAR email. Yes, people, if you want to communicate with me USE.MY.NORMAL.EMAIL.ADDRESS. I go onto facebook about once in a blue moon... seriously. A long time ago I turned off all of my FB alerts, etc. so even if you DO leave an email or comment on my wall or whatever else (poke me, send me a drink, blah blah blah) I will only get it ONCE.IN.A.BLUE.MOON. I think I can now cancel my account. I honestly don't think there is anyone else in the world that I would want to get in touch with. Nah... I won't cancel it... ya never know, right?

3 current favorites

Yankee Candle Lip Balm

So far I've only tried the Vanilla Cupcake, but I LOVE IT!

My new deodorant

Coco Butter Kiss

My night time snack lately has been grapefruit... especially the pink variety.

happy half-birthday to Greyson! and update

Can you believe I survived 6 months of parenthood? I can't. I didn't think I could make it this far. It's been rough on me, mainly due to my own neurosis... not b/c the kid is bad or anything. He IS the trophy baby ya know. Anyway... 6 months. Wow. It is getting easier in some ways. He has two little teeth now... such a big boy. I won't get into how he is sleeping for fear of jinxing it. He has started daycare b/c I will be going back to work soon and a spot opened up and we had to jump on it. So, since we're paying for it and clearly it is taking some adjustment (again, mainly on my part) to the new routine, I take him now. It's a nice little break from parenting, but I miss the little bugger when he's there. I really like the place he goes to and the caregivers are just so sweet. I think it is going to be good for both of us.

He's going to start taking swim lessons on Saturday. Good GOD that means I have to get into a bathing suit too... what am I thinking? UGH! It's been hot as heck in these parts as of late... I'm SO ready for some cooler weather. My mom is visiting for the week, so we've been tooling around town. And that about wraps up what's been going on with me in a nutshell. Not too exciting, huh? Summer is quickly coming to a close, not that it means cooler weather for California, but it does mean back to school, back to work, and if you can digest this... time to start thinking about the HOLIDAYS??? OMG!!! Slow down sister... one thing at a time!

My new 2nd favorite band

mini mosh pit

us with the band

While in Michigan I had the privilege to have a kid-free night out with Tina. At a park near her house they have "Concerts in the Park" that are free and we decided to go. The band that was playing that night stole my heart. The band is called "Candy Band" and if you were in high school in the 80's, and happened to like punk music, and you are now a mom... you will HEART this band! They play children's music "with an edge" meaning they play it "punk" style. I seriously was singing along to the tunes and I didn't even have a kid with me. One of the cutest sights was the kiddy "mosh pit" formed in front of the stage. They weren't actually moshing, but that's what it looked like. Click here and then click on "fun" and then click on "download songs" (it won't actually download automatically) to listen to a few of their tracks.

summer wrap up

Well folks, I'm baaaaaack. In California that is. We got back late Saturday night and have been trying to get the little one adjusted to PST ever since. We'll see how tonight goes. It was sad to leave Michigan because it felt like I was saying good-bye to summer. As I was packing up all of our things and saying adios to Tina et. al. it was like my summer romance was over and I had to go back to school or something. It was great spending time with my dad and other family members as well as spending some good times with Tina. I am, however, glad to be back in my own bed and back to the old routine (as much as we are in a routine). I think Greyson is glad to be back too. I did my share of hauling him around from place to place and more often then I am willing to admit, he didn't sleep in the same crib/bed two night in a row. Poor kid. And I wonder why he wasn't sleeping too well.

It is hot as Haiti right now, though. Whew... thank Buddha for AC. I'm ready for some cooler weather now. It was a nice break from the heat when I was in MI, but man it could get HUMID out there. Ahhh... will I EVER be happy? Can I complain any more? Sorry... I'll stop now.

So it turns out that I will be going back to work, on a temporary basis sometime in August. What a bummer, but I've gotta do what I've gotta do. In a small way I am looking forward to having some adult interaction, but 1) I feel guilty as hell and 2) I'm going to miss the little dude when I am away from him. How WILL I survive?

Hope your summer is going well and you're staying cool.

Happy 4th of July...

Today I...

introduced Greyson to the lake (he grimaced at first but liked it later)

got highlights for a fraction of the cost at a salon (and they look 10x better)

drank WAY too much diet pepsi (tomorrow I will stick with iced tea)

fed Greyson his cereal right before bed (to see if this helps him sleep through the night)

sweat my arse off (how I forgot how humid it gets in Michigan!)


what did YOU do today?

man, and I've got nowhere else to put the kid...

click on the picture to get the true message (to enlarge and read the print)

getting paid to work out... sort of

Greyson and I have found a new path to walk our "killer walk." This mile (one way) path takes us to the local grocery store. We walk there and back because you may recall that I like to have a goal (out and back) versus just going around the block a zillion times. Sometimes we pick up dinner and sometimes we just walk there, pick up a soda for me and a packs of cigarettes for him and head back. It takes up about an hour, depending on how much time we spend inside the store. The best part is that I am usually hauling some recyclables to the store because here in Michigan you get 10 cents in return for soda and beer cans/bottles. On the way there we often find cans or bottles strewn along the sidewalk or street. Nothing like getting 10 cents per lunge. That's where I get the "getting paid to exercise" bit. I have to bend down or lunge down to pick up the can and my reward, besides a tight ass, is 10 cents. Hey, I heard a couple put their kid through MIT collecting cans... so there is no shame to my game! In fact, I have decided to keep track of how much money I made this summer by returning bottles and cans. What sucks is that there is no refund for water bottles, therefore, people just toss them in the trash. In fact, there is no recycling push out here... which makes me cringe every time I see plastic, paper, cardboard, tin, or glass in the trash. AGGGHHHHHHH. I set a goal of $1000 for myself. I know it's a bit lofty, but if I think about it, that is only 10,000 squats!

Michigan is...

Fresh cherries.

Family.

Chipmunks.

10 cents per bottle/can recycling refund.

Humidity like you won't believe.

Potholes.

Raspberries.

Lakes.

Home.

... to name a few.

I can't wait to come back next year, when Greyson can appreciate the big backyards, the little creek running through my dad's backyard, sprinklers to combat the heat and humidity, swimming in the lake and the fresh fruit.

ditto from the TB blog...

welp, my dad did indeed get internet access JUST.FOR.ME. Isn't that sweet? And as promised, I said I would post from the Great Lake State. So far we have done a lot of nothing. And that is what this trip was intended for. So far we have spent a lot of time with family and today we are heading off to the "friends" part of the "friends and family visiting spree." TB's Godmother has a house on a lake and it is a PERFECT place to make some summertime memories. Too bad TB won't remember any of it... yet.

TB has handled the trip and time difference ok. I say ok because he didn't sleep much last night and I almost sold him off to the gypsies. I said almost. That gummy smile this morning bought him at least another 24 hours around here though. I'm not sure what is doing it. Is he hungry? Growing? Just going through a phase? All of the above? Tonight I am going to try to give him his cereal before bed to see if that keeps him full and in a carb coma for a good 10 hours. I'm not asking much, am I?

When in Michigan, root for the Tigers is what we say. (Notice he is still true to his Padres, though).

For those interested, the flight over here was better than anticipated. The first leg was great. We had an empty seat next to mine, so I was allowed to bring his carseat on board and the flight was perfect. The next, and longer, leg was a full flight... so no carseat and very cramped quarters. It's amazing how tough it is to hold a baby for 2.5 hours. Yes, he's only 14 lbs. but when there is not much space to sit in and the baby is squirming around, it's a challenge. He managed to sleep for maybe half an hour of the flight which was very welcomed. We changed his diaper while flying which was also a welcome distraction from sitting in the cramped seat. Doing so wasn't as bad as you might think. No National Lampoon's moments in the head. Eventually we landed and without any meltdowns... thank you 6 lb. 4 oz. baby Jesus! I'm not looking forward to the flight home b/c I'm scared that they both will be full flights... and now I know how heavy he can be. Oh well... I will try not to sweat it until I have to.

what was I thinking?

This picture just about sums it up for me.  What was I thinking?  Going to Michigan for two whole months?  Do you know what sort of packing and planning that takes when you have a baby?  Oh my.  I can't forget the white noise maker or the binky's or the _____ (insert many, many things here).  I am also traveling alone... am I CrAzY?  I have a baby, a stroller a carseat two suitcasestwocarryonsandapartridgeinapeartree to worry about... ON.MY.OWN.  The only saving grace is that Tony will be helping me at this airport and my dad will be helping me at the other airport.  I'm hoping for helpful flight attendants and friendly seat mates on the plane.  

We'll be away for 2 months and I'm not so sure about what kind of internet access I will have while there, so pardon my lack of updating.... just in case.  If we do have access... then I hope to update while on holiday.

In other news... oh, there isn't any.  Just truckin' along these days, taking it one day at a time.  Life is getting easier with the little one.  He is getting more and more interactive as the days pass and soon he'll be in college.  I'm looking forward to starting swim lessons once we get back in August.  I like to have little things to look forward to.  I'm NOT looking forward to him getting some shots tomorrow at his 4 month well baby check up.  You go in with a happy baby and come out with a fussy, sad, upset, hurt baby.  So not fair.

Comedy Traffic School Proves Not to be so Funny

It is no laughing matter.  

Yes.  I had to go to traffic school.  I stupidly (I blame new-mommy brain) make an illegal U-turn.  My defense is that it was a recent change at this particular intersection... U-turns USED to be legal there.  I didn't get the memo and I obviously didn't see the sign (or the cop lurking in the bushes) and flipped a bitch, and got caught.  UGH.  I so needed this like I need a hole in my head.  So, I got a ticket (what ever happened to warnings to those of us with good driving records???) and waited for my sentence to come in the mail.  It did.  A whopper of a fine and in order to avoid any points on my record it was suggested that I go to traffic school.  I chose Comedy Traffic School.  It's pretty cheap and it was easy enough, except I didn't think it was very funny at all.  Just because they throw in some silly looking superhero as their spokes-hero, doesn't make it funny.  Oh well... I wasn't looking for comic relief anyway, just a way to avoid points and an increase in insurance.  It only took a couple of hours (if I had sat down and done it all in one shot I bet it would've taken at most 2) and I was able to pass the tests easily enough.  Check.  Mark that task off of my to-do list.  I guess I learned my lesson.  PAY ATTENTION CHRISTINE!!!!  Man, I haven't gotten a ticket in SO LONG.  Seriously, it's probably been at LEAST 10 or more years.  Crazy.  I felt so embarrassed about the whole thing too.  What a WASTE of money.  

Anyway... just another bump along this road of life.  If you ever have to go to traffic school, I recommend the one I used.  It wasn't too bad and like I said before, pretty cheap & easy.  

baby I've got the blues...

In case you have been wondering why I haven't posted as much or as often as usual... it's because I've been dealing with a little bit of post-partum depression.  My kind wasn't the sad kind, it was the "I'm so anxious right now I have to puke" kind.  Apparently PPD can manifest itself as different things.  Personally, I always thought PPD meant you wanted to hurt yourself or hurl your baby off of a bridge.  I did not feel either of these things.  I.JUST.FELT.SOOOOOOO.ANXIOUS!!!  People don't really talk about it, PPD, as if it's taboo or something... but it is very, very common... especially after having a boy.  My guess is because of the boy hormones swimming around with all of the raging girl hormones... really causing some havoc in the head.

Anyway... I was able to admit to myself that I should go in and talk to someone, and now with the help of some medication, I am doing so much better.  I am actually on the downhill from this PPD and am starting to wean of the meds.  After assessing the whole situation I think it was a combination of a few things that really had my anxiety levels rise so much.  I didn't accept or ask for help from the very beginning.  This meant that I was on "baby duty" 24-7 for the first 6 weeks or so.  I'm sure I was running off of pure adrenaline at that point.  I was very sleep deprived and just exhausted all around.  At about the 8 week mark is when I really felt the anxiety hit.  I really think it was because of the major sleep deprivation and the constant "being on"  that I burnt myself out fast and hard.  I hadn't been doing anything for myself, by myself.... at all.  It was all about the baby.  Part of this may be because of the two miscarriages... that I didn't want to be away from this baby for even a minute.  Thankfully, like I said above, I am feeling much better and have taken some time for myself.  I also thank God that Greyson is sleeping for longer periods of time now too... that helps so much... to be able to sleep for 6+ hours in a row.  Now I need to learn to go to sleep (at night) when he does and I could actually get 8+ hours of sleep.  He has been a dream child thus far... I'm the one with the issues!

So, I apologize for not updating more often... and being quite lame overall.  Aside from being busy with the baby... I am trying to just simplify my life too.  I just can't do it all (not that I ever could before) right now and just have to do what I can.  If that means letting go of blogland once in awhile, then so be it.  One day I will return, with renewed energy.  Right now... keep the faith in me... I will post here and there.

Thanks for checking in.

Paybacks are a B!TCH

* warning.... this post contains waaaaaaayyyyyy TMI *
You've been warned.

OK... so ask any woman, whether she has been pregnant or not, what one of the great things about being pregnant is and she'll undoubtedly answer "no periods for 9 months!!!" Yes. It is such a nice thing to not have to deal with pads or poons and cramps and mood swings and... well, whatever it is that gets you down during "that time." Let me tell you though... Mother Nature has a sick sense of humor because she surely makes up for it when your little "gift" comes back again after popping that baby out. Holy Maxi Pad, Batman. It is no joke how bad the first period after birth is. Sheesh. I mean, you have no choice but to wear the industrial sized hot dog bun for a pad. And you soak it right up charlie! Unbelievable! The bleeding was bad, but the cramps seemed to be not so bad. Maybe it's because once you've experienced contractions, menstrual cramps seem like butterfly kisses. This may not be worthy of a post... but I had to put it out there as fair warning for those of you considering having a baby just to get rid of periods for awhile...

Happy Easter!

I think I have a toothache. Again... no time to *really* update with a wordy post... so here's a pic instead.

2 months and still truckin'

Well folks... it appears that I have survived 2 months of motherhood.... and the baby's head hasn't spun off yet! Good news for most. I'm not so sure that I am getting used to the lack of sleep... I'm just not wired that way... but I survive... thanks to a helpful husband that takes over in the a.m. so I can catch some z's. I don't like waking up with most of the morning gone... but ya have to pick your battles, yes?

Today was G's 2 month well-baby appointment... yes, the one where he gets his first series of vaccinations. OMG. I think I cried more than he did... poor guy. POOR ME. It is HEARTWRENCHING to see your kid have to be in pain. It's bad enough when it is an accident... but the kind that we (and when I say we I mean the big bad nurse) inflict on them? OMG. Ouch. Rightfully so, he was cranky the rest of the day... my punishment I guess for hurting him like that. How dare I protect him from life threatening illnesses? Anyway... he is down for the night (and when I say night, I mean until 2 a.m.) and I should be sleeping. I will lay down as soon as I update here. I promise.

Anyway... little dude is weighing in at 11 lbs 13 oz and is 23 inches long (both 50% range). His nugget measured in at some outrageous number I don't even want to list. He gets a big head from me... oh and his dad (75% range... yowza!).

I'm sorry that this blog has had so many "baby" posts lately... but frankly that is what my life has been all about lately. I'm starting to emerge from the gof (was supposed to say fog- clearly I'm not there yet). And will hopefully have more crafty or random things to post.

But, what would a post be without a pic? A lame attempt at a self-portrait.

There's a Village (People) missing their cowboy.

Fun day at the park

Ahh... a beautiful sunny spring day. I took g-man out to the park today. I signed up with some mom groups here in San Diego... some of them are quite active. Anyway... today one of the groups was meeting at Balboa Park to walk. Right what the doctor and my flappy belly ordered. I forget what a treasure Balboa Park is. I was reminded once I was back home because I somehow managed to step in dog poo and got it all over one of my runners. Darn it... so gross.

I can't wait until g-man can actually enjoy all that the park has to offer... and since it's free, we will be taking advantage of it often. This is going to be a fun summer.

Seriously?

There are people out there that ask some stupid questions... my friend Joyce just mentioned that someone asked her if she knew what kind of baby she was having... a human one we all hope. When I got married, people asked me how married life was... I thought it was a stupid question, although I got 'splained today that if the person didn't know that we were already cohabiting, then it is a valid question... FINE... it's a valid question. However... now that I just (almost 7 weeks ago) had a baby... the question people ask me... the question that I think tops stupid questions is... "How do you like your baby?" Seriously? Even if I were a horrible person and didn't like my baby... would I admit it? I happen to be a person that loves my baby more than life itself... and it makes me want to say DUH!!!!! Seriously? Can someone have a baby and then not like it? I can't imagine... at all. Not for a second could I imagine it. So... PEOPLE... stop asking me because I am proclaiming to the world (wide web) that I AM HOPELESSLY IN LOVE WITH MY BABY.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Yes... it's a little late in the day... but at least it IS still SPD!  I can't seem to get much done before the evening falls.  Oh well.  I'm luck I get stuff done at all!  I had an eye dr.'s appt today... my big outing for the day... sheesh!  The stupid "doctor's assistant" a.k.a high school girl on a power trip was standing at the counter chatting it up a good 5 minutes before she called me in to get started... and this is after I already waited a good 10 minutes... WTF?  Then she's snapping her gum while doing the preliminary testing (eye chart, previous Rx...)... OMG... I so wanted to snap her neck.  Breathe Christine... breathe.  I should wear a sign around my neck that says "sleep deprived... patience running extremely low" just to warn people.

oh well... I survived it...

Here's my lucky charm... he's magically delicious!

I might be exhausted, but this makes it all worth being tired for...

my future income may come from this...

Baby Fight! from Olivia Munn

out of whack

It's no secret that I've been sick lately.... anybody that has allowed me to complain about it knows.  And of course the world knows that I have a brand new kid at home.  Brand new kid at home equals no sleep.  No sleep plus being sick equals not getting well any time soon.  My sweet husband, in an effort to help me lick this cold, takes over first thing in the morning to allow me to go grab some much needed uninterrupted sleep.  This may sound all fine an dandy but it has thrown me out of whack!  Man, if I catch say 4 or 5 hours of sleep, that means I wake up at like 11 or 12... and half of my day is GONE.  This is not cool... it is really throwing things off for me.  I realize that this whole thing is a huge adjustment in life... but man, I feel like I am such a loser... sleeping in until noon.  I'm guessing that this is why maternity leave is 3 months long... because for those three months your world is upside down and inside out.

Worth every minute if it though... that's for sure!

icky sicky

oi vey. I am sick as a dog. This sucks too. Not getting a lot of sleep is most likely not helping my immune system either. UGH! First, Tony had a cold. Despite all the hand washing, etc., Greyson ended up catching a cold. THAT sucked major because he is so young. Then I started to feel a scratchy throat. That turned into a very very sore throat and a bit of stuffiness. Now I have pink eye (basically a cold that is affecting my eyes), a throat that is killing me, congestion, a cough... OMG... CALGON TAKE ME AWAY! Tony took the "night shift" last night in hopes that I could get a decent night of sleep and help combat this cold. Didn't really do the trick but I slept fairly well. Turns out last night is when G-dude decided to sleep 4 and 5 hours a pop. Lucky daddy! I'm back on the shift tonight, let's hope that 4 and 5 pattern continues...

30 days later...

Happy One Month Birthday little dude!

Wow... time has flown, hasn't it? I feel like it was just yesterday and Tony says it feels like it was a lot longer. You are the coolest little person I've ever met. You seem so tiny sometimes, yet sometimes you seem so big already. Oh, life. These last 30 days have been the best days of our lives little dude. Thanks to you! Happy 30 days, baby!

Things I've learned so far...

1. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.

2. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid.

3. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices.

4. You respect your body ... finally.

5. You respect your parents and love them in a new way.

6. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own.

7. You believe once again in the things you believed in as a child.

8. You lose touch with the people in your life whom you should have banished years ago.

9. Your heart breaks much more easily.

10. You think of someone else 234,836,178,976 times a day.

11. Every day is a surprise.

12. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Hooray for poop!)

13. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.

14. You become a morning person.

15. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power.

(list courtesy of babycenter.com)

Nobody does it better than mom!

You don't mind going to bed at 9 p.m. on Friday night

You give parents with a screaming child an 'I-know-the-feeling' look instead of a 'Can't-they-shut-him-up?' one.

Taking a shower is a luxury.

You find yourself wanting to make this world a better place.

behind on blogging

For obvious reasons I have fallen behind on updating.  I will get better once I find my grove.  Today we are nursing a sick baby and it's taking all of our time.  Poor guy has a really bad cold.  Really bad colds in babies under 1 month are more serious than you think.  Yuck.  Hopefully the light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter... if it's supposed to last 10 days or so... we are at day 3....

Think good thoughts for the dude, ok?

Thanks.

Happy 3 week birthday G-dude!

G spent his 3rd week birthday rockin' it out ala Bono

attachment update

OK... so it wasn't so bad... having the dude sleep in his own room... he is handling it like a champ... it's his mom who's a big baby. I'm better about it too... mainly because I think he likes it better than being in the living room... even little people need some peace and quiet once in awhile... especially when trying to nap.

I have an attachment disorder

OK... so since Gman has been home from the hospital, he has been with me 99.99% of the time, including at night when he is sleeping in his cradle near me. That .01 % that he wasn't with me was when I ran to Target to pick up a last minute V-day card for my dad and husband to be given from Gman... I about cried the whole time I was gone and was for sure having an anxiety attack the whole time I was away. I survived it... I think I was gone maybe 23 minutes.

So... back to the point that he has been with me day in and day out... well... for the first time ever I have put him in his crib for a nap... in his giant, lonely crib... IN.THE.OTHER.ROOM... and I am sitting in my room... which is NOT in his room... ALL.BY.MYSELF... without the Gman... and I am freaked out by it... only because I feel like he might not feel secure in that giant bed... all by himself... he did just come out of a place that is about 1 square foot in size and I put him out in that huge open space to fend for himself... OMG!!! I'm horrible!

Tony is of course laughing at me about the whole thing... he doesn't GET IT!!!

When did you parents put your kids into their cribs to sleep for the first time?? Is this too soon?

p.s. I am, of course, totally glued to the baby monitor (which has video)... it's just NOT THE SAME!

Happy two week birthday G-man!

You continue to amaze me. My love for you just grows and grows...

Trophy Baby

Some of you may have already noticed that I finally launched the "Trophy Baby" blog. I'm keeping it private for obvious reasons. Tony wonders how G-man will get discovered if his blog is private. I wonder why Tony doesn't get it. I know it's a pain and all b/c some of you may have had to create an account or whatever. Sorry. I think it's better this way. And with this blog, you can check in for some G love whenever you want, vs. me emailing you 6 million pictures everyday and killing your in-box.

If you would like to become a member of G's blog... feel free to email me and I will send you the invite which gets you in the door.

And what is a post AG (after Greyson) without another picture?

(this is the dude at church for the first time)

this was me after my epidural

I saw this on Dally's website and just had to have it on my own. Thanks Dally!

Photo Shoot part 1

My friend Tina C. is an awesome baby photographer and she was nice enough to stop by the hospital to take some pictures of the three of us. Here is a preview...

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE PICTURES

She's coming back on Saturday (Love's Birthday/Valentine's Day) to do the rest of the shoot. G man must be the most photographed little guy ever (starting from when he was on the inside too...) no joke!

Anyway... maybe you want some kick-butt pics of you and your family or mom or loved ones or dog... check her out. Her work is awesome and she is so easy to work with. Here is her website.

my heart is now owned by him

It's been one week since he was born and already my heart is his. I am in love. It was all worth it... (doesn't EVERYBODY say that?). I have so much to say and want it to be well written and... well... I have to just sit down and write it. I need to find the time. I apologize for not posting sooner... I would have from the hospital but they do not have wireless.... my ONLY complaint from my entire stay. I LOVE KAISER. I HEART KAISER.

ANYWAY.... here is some G sugar until I can hop on and write my heart out.



p.s. don't mind me... I swelled up like a Macy's parade balloon soon after birth and am still dealing with the water retention... especially in my feet... but would you get look at that beauty on my arm?

$%*&^%@^%(^%(@%@!!!!!! *warning... lots of cuss words*

Son of a bitch... oh wait, I take that back.

29 hours later and I am STILL at home, STILL contracting and STILL waiting for this baby to come.out.of.my.uterus.

OK... I don't consider myself a wimp by any means. I have run a marathon (26.2 miles) WITHOUT TRAINING! (I don't recommend trying THAT at home!). But can I just tell you how much these fucking contractions hurt? Oh yeah. Don't let them fool you. They talk all about that lovely thing called an epidural... what they don't tell you is that you first have to go through HELL to get it. Oh yeah... it's not so simple people. You have to be a certain point in your labor to EARN the epidural. CAN YOU TELL THAT I AM NOT THERE YET? Fuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

Last night at dinner... I started contracting at 5 minute intervals... the hospital said, if I hit the 3-5 minute mark for two hours, it would be time to come in. So yeah, they start, every 5 minutes, during dinner, while I am trying to eat my yummy spaghetti. Every 5 minutes. Bite bite, CRINGE. Bite, bite, CRINGE. OW! Mother of God they hurt! One hour passes. Get home, trying to pass the time, another hour of 5 minute (actually they varied from 2-6 minutes- yeah, the 2 minute ones are a JOY. As soon as one ends another starts... good times) contractions. OK... golden, we call the hospital and they say... come on in. We gather our crap and go in.

What happens next? Oh, the contractions slow down and get easier? W.T.F.? I compare it to when you take your car in for that "crazy knocking you hear on the highway" only for he mechanic to say "we tried everything ma'am, but we don't hear that knocking." So, I'm hooked up to a monitor, and yes, am having contractions, but they were the rainbows and sunshine variety... not the ones I was having at the restaurant and at home (and right now as I type)... you know... the Nazi, Hitler, Mother Fucker variety. I get my cervix checked (this time was not bad at all... whew... last time they checked I had to go to the hospital and complete a rape kit... I was SO violated and it HURT!!!) Anyway... she checks me (SUPER NICE nurse, almost my BFF at Kaiser- until she sent me home) and I am 1/2 a centimeter dilated. WHAT? 1/2 a centimeter. Not even a whole centimeter? OMG! You have GOT to be fucking kidding me. All of that for 1/2 a centimeter? I hate the metric system as it is. But THIS really pushed me over the edge. So, off we go... discharge papers in hand, suggesting I "return to my normal activities." Oh sure, like I'm going to go play a fucking round of tennis or something? Listen people... my "normal activities" lately basically involve my uterus having a stroke.

So here I am... Tuesday morning... I had contractions all last night... throughout the whole night... meaning I didn't sleep b/c every 15 minutes or so I wanted to kill myself. I'm sure I'm no more than 3/4 a centimeter now, they'll probably have to introduce a new scale just for me. They said not to come back until I was bleeding from the eyes... errrrrr... I mean, until the contractions are 3-4 minutes apart for at least an hour. Oh, and she said "they should be much stronger than this (the rainbows and sunshine ones)." No shit.

who says there's no such thing as a free meal?

I've seen this advertised on a reputable website... but not the Denny's website.  I went there to verify but I don't see anything pertaining to this promo.  So go there at your own risk.  Might be worth it though!

Superbowl

What a game, huh??  All the excitement didn't cause the dude to pop out or anything, but I won $25.  Next best thing, right?  He was in on the action though, kickin' around and just teasing me with his irregular contractions.

So, as I write this, he has not arrived yet... but as of 2:41 a.m. (on February 2nd) I am officially in labor.  This part could take a good 12 hours, so don't get your panties in a twist.  Contractions are 8 minutes apart and the "bloody show" has made it's appearance.  TMI?  Oh well.  That my friends marks the beginning of true labor, not that fake braxton hicks shit.

So, besides putting the word out "there" (blogging), my big *to do* list today includes:

• eating something good (once I get to the hospital I go on clear liquids only)
• taking a good poop (to avoid doing the same on the table...ugh!)
• taking a nice shower, including shaving of the legs
• waiting it out at home as long as possible, which may include watching a DVD or 2 (I've heard stories where this stage can take FOREVER!!!!)
• saying "Adios!" to my old life, because my new life has just begun!

Alright... well... this *might* be the last post until he comes out... but it all depends on how things go... I might update again... consider it a little surprise if I do.  Until then... THANKS for diligently checking up on me... I REALLY DO APPRECIATE IT!!!!

Sunday.

Well... one due date has come and gone.  Looks like the dude will be born in February... that's for sure.

I seem to be having more and more contractions... but nothing noteworthy... just uncomfortable.

No baby yet.

Here's another ad for your viewing pleasure.

new little bitty on the left sidebar

OK...  I have to tell someone... so I'm telling you...

I FINALLY learned how to create a BUTTON for this blog.  This might not seem like a big deal to you geek freaks out there that can do this shit in your sleep, but this is major for me.  Coding is like a foreign language... wait it IS a foreign language and I have major difficulty learning foreign languages.  Unless of course that foreign language is Calculus or Algebra... those languages I can rock out.  Aside from that though,  for me to do this is major, just trust me on this one.  So...anyway... the button won't mean much to 99.99% of you, so that is where your excitement will most likely stop.  I just HAD to tell someone and Mabelle is too busy right now shooting a movie (which by the way, I have a part in... more on that when it is released) to listen to my elementary successes.

here is the button, which also lives to the left [eyes left].

Saturday

nothing. nada. zero. zilch.

although I am singing "happy birthday" all day today in hopes that he a) loves my singing so much that he wants to come out and sing with me or b) hates my singing so much he wants to come out and shut me up!

In the meantime... here is a little 1930's ad to entertain you.

Friday...

Nope, not today either.

Just a little FYI-  during this whole pregnancy thing, we were given 3 different due dates.  Obviously, we were going with the one that meant I was pregnant for less time.  January 31.  The very first date we were given was February 6th... and then it was changed to February 4th.  (And then the 3rd date we were given was Jan. 31st).   Well... It looks like the dude it opting for a February date (granted, there is still 1.5 days left in January).

Other than being uncomfortable... I feel fine.  Can't sleep, waddle BIG TIME when I walk, but otherwise I feel fine.  The dude is doing well too.  He gets checked 3 times a week (I've got nothing better to do right?).  So, as far as the doc is concerned, if baby is comfortable, we wait.

The date my doc is using is the Feb. 4th date.  So technically, according to her, I will be "cooked" next Wednesday.  So I'm not even late yet.  So I need to stop whining already.

Thanks for checking up on me...  I have a great group of friends!

for your viewing pleasure

(click to enlarge)

oh, and... no baby yet.

I had an OB appt today and there is NOTHING happening.  Baby is fine and content where he is.

I am going to have my hands full with this one!

make your own Jackson Pollock

thanks for the link Naomi.  Go here if you want your own.

oh, and BTW... no baby yet!

Art

I know you guys all want a piece of my original artwork hanging in your homes too... ha ha.

Here is one of my (finally) finished pieces. I have GOT to stop starting projects that risk not being finished before the babe comes. Oh wait, who am I kidding? He's on his own schedule!

Ok... so a friend of mine asked that I post e.v.e.r.y.d.a.y. until the little dude comes, so that on the day that I don't post... you all (yeah, all 3 of you) will know that I am at the hospital. I think I can agree to that. The posts may not be amazingly interesting, but I can do it.

I can also assure you that a blast email will go out to those of you that are on the list (yes, Naomi, Wendy, Rachel, Donna- you are on the list) to update you on the status. My geek husband will have his blackberry and laptop and cell phone and smoke signal machine too...

(why am I acting like so many people care and need to know stat? oh well... whatever makes me feel better about myself, right?).

If you too would like to be on the blast email update list... all it takes is a comment on this blog...

Monday

Nope.  No baby today.

39 weeks ( and counting)

Here it is... the 39 week belly shot... and hopefully the next time you see this belly it will be without child outside.

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