baby I've got the blues...

In case you have been wondering why I haven't posted as much or as often as usual... it's because I've been dealing with a little bit of post-partum depression.  My kind wasn't the sad kind, it was the "I'm so anxious right now I have to puke" kind.  Apparently PPD can manifest itself as different things.  Personally, I always thought PPD meant you wanted to hurt yourself or hurl your baby off of a bridge.  I did not feel either of these things.  I.JUST.FELT.SOOOOOOO.ANXIOUS!!!  People don't really talk about it, PPD, as if it's taboo or something... but it is very, very common... especially after having a boy.  My guess is because of the boy hormones swimming around with all of the raging girl hormones... really causing some havoc in the head.

Anyway... I was able to admit to myself that I should go in and talk to someone, and now with the help of some medication, I am doing so much better.  I am actually on the downhill from this PPD and am starting to wean of the meds.  After assessing the whole situation I think it was a combination of a few things that really had my anxiety levels rise so much.  I didn't accept or ask for help from the very beginning.  This meant that I was on "baby duty" 24-7 for the first 6 weeks or so.  I'm sure I was running off of pure adrenaline at that point.  I was very sleep deprived and just exhausted all around.  At about the 8 week mark is when I really felt the anxiety hit.  I really think it was because of the major sleep deprivation and the constant "being on"  that I burnt myself out fast and hard.  I hadn't been doing anything for myself, by myself.... at all.  It was all about the baby.  Part of this may be because of the two miscarriages... that I didn't want to be away from this baby for even a minute.  Thankfully, like I said above, I am feeling much better and have taken some time for myself.  I also thank God that Greyson is sleeping for longer periods of time now too... that helps so much... to be able to sleep for 6+ hours in a row.  Now I need to learn to go to sleep (at night) when he does and I could actually get 8+ hours of sleep.  He has been a dream child thus far... I'm the one with the issues!

So, I apologize for not updating more often... and being quite lame overall.  Aside from being busy with the baby... I am trying to just simplify my life too.  I just can't do it all (not that I ever could before) right now and just have to do what I can.  If that means letting go of blogland once in awhile, then so be it.  One day I will return, with renewed energy.  Right now... keep the faith in me... I will post here and there.

Thanks for checking in.