I'm in one of those moods so there will probably be a lot of cussing in this post

I am at the hair salon. I'm irritated. I only get so many minutes per week that I can call my own. I schedule things precisely so that I spend as little time away from my kids as possible. I know, weird, but that's where I am in life. Anyway, when I make a 3:00 appt to get my hair did, I expect to start at 3, not at 3:30. They can't fake me out by straight ironing my hair before I get it cut, because I can see right through their bullshit stall technique to cover the fact that haircut lady is late. All I want is a plain old, all one length, straight cut. Simple. I have to repeat myself 4 times "cut it as short as you can while still allowing a ponytail.". That wasn't clear so I say "ok, my only request is that I HAVE to be able to have a ponytail, but otherwise cut it short." Still not clear. So I say... "I want it short, but it has to be long enough to pull into a ponytail." Nope. Still not clear. Blog readers, can you please tell me how to word this request next time so I don't lose it on the haircut lady? Shit. It's not a difficult request. In fact, I know I could get it done at Fantastic Sam's, when in fact I am in a reputable Aveda salon. Is it so simple that it is too hard for their overly creative brains to comprehend? OMG.
Then, because haircolor lady is running late, cutlady is doing some bullshit fancy cutting on my blunt, simple, straight cut- spending WAY too much time on each section that I'm about to fucking scream. Look, I'll pay you the $40 whether it takes you 15 minutes or not... Don't sweat it... This is a no-brainer. I'm a sure thing. Cut the fucking hair and go smoke a cig, just GET IT DONE! Color lady finally gets started and now my scalp is burning off. Ahhh, the things we go through.