don't blink

*** I guess I never finished this post... so I am actually "posting" it on 03/04/13... but it's from 02/26/13

because you'll miss it... February is just about over...  I can't believe how quickly this month has flown by.

Greyson's party was great.  He was SO happy and he and his friends had such a great time, and the fact that my dad was able to be a part of the festivities made it that much more special.  The boys and I got to spend a lot of quality time with the Pops and it was awesome!  We even got to watch the SuperBowl on a new flat screen thanks to gramps.

Turns out A-hole served me up some court papers on the day before Greyson' party... so that was a pleasant little surprise.  Note... it was one week to the day that we had finalized all of the paperwork when he found out I was dating and decided to take me back into court to renegotiate custody, etc.  Interesting, no?  He says he needs to protect his children... I guess since I am dating, now I am an unfit mother.  Needless to say he did not come to the birthday party. 

My mom came in to town to help me with the boys because I had the BIG TEN gala to attend.  This is the boys' school's big fundraiser for the year.  Each class has to make a project that is auctioned off (I of course was in charge of that project...) and there is a huge $10,000 drawing.  Before that though, I got so majorly sick I thought I was going to die.  I even ended up in the ER one night at 2:30 a.m. b/c I was SURE I was dying.  If you know me you know that I'm not a puss... but man, I woke up and death was knocking at my door.  Obviously, I did not die, but I'll spare you the details.

THANK GOD my mom was around, b/c although I didn't get a "total" break... she was able to give me a bit of reprieve here and there... and even though I was on death's door... and because my mom was there to give me the "gift" of a "girl's day to myself ( and there was no way I was going to pass that up) I took Saturday and went to a crafty thing at Anthro, then went and got my nails done and then my hair.  The WHOLE time I was either freezing or sweating to death.  I had to go to this event, I just had to. 
Once we got there and I got over my initial "sweating" phase, and had a beer, we actually felt ok for a bit.  So we mingled and had dinner, sat through some of the auctions and left.  At this point I get frantically called and texted because we left RIGHT BEFORE the big $10,000 drawing and guess what?  I was int he top 10.  (They choose 10 people and then slowly eliminate...).  So we zip around and I come running back into the hall only to be the first to be eliminated.  Oh well.  For about 3 minutes I was elated!

I was able to sleep in the next morning and that FELT GREAT!!!! 

I ended up staying sick for another 2 weeks or so... it sucked balls.

I feel like I am in a witness protection program...

NOT that I would ever know what being in one feels like.

A very hard part of this divorce is that I have to watch myself around a huge portion of my "friends" out here since they are all also friends with the A-hole.  As their friend, I don't want to put them in a position where they have to watch what THEY say around the A-hole... so in turn, I feel like I can't tell them anything that is going on with me...
BUT... thanks to blogger, changing my blog address is as easy as finding a name that isn't already used but that still reflects the original name I came up with years ago.  I'd better stop changing the name because it's just getting harder and harder.  HA!

Anyway... the very few of you that got the "change of address" are my loyalists anyway.  I doubt anybody cares as much as I do... HA!

Oh, in other news... I am getting two new molars because apparently I am so stressed out that I ground my real ones down into nubs.  Sweet.  There goes my tax refund!

Peace out.

One of my favorite months.

I love February.  I love Valentines Day.  I know it's probably one of the cheesiest holidays, and everyone thinks it's a "Hallmark Holiday" but I don't care.  
This weekend will be a busy one.  My dad is flying in this morning (yippee!- I haven't seen him in a year, hello?) and tomorrow is Greyson's birthday party.  He got to invite 4 of his classmates to help him celebrate turning four at "Chuck-a-cheese"  (that's how he says it).  I had to give him a party this year b/c of the whole school thing and how excited he was to be able to invite his school friends.  I just couldn't deny him that excitement and fun.  It will be a small party but it will be exactly what he wanted.  He is beyond excited!

These last 4 years have been quite a rollercoaster, but everything happens for a reason and I was meant to be this guy's mother.  I'm no expert at being a mom..I've actually thought that the moment he was born and ever since then almost 4 years ago I've been open to the thought that I'm learning each and every single day. 
This little boy of mine is my son (it's so cool to say that) where I have to help shape his life, how he views people, situations, himself. I want more than anything for my little Greyson to have a good sense of who he is, to be confident, to have self love, to be strong, to have a good sense of humor and to love all those in his life. Right now that last comment is easy...he gets excited when I walk in the room. He doesn't care what I look like, if I've showered or not. He just smiles at me every morning when he wakes up, he smiles at me when I call his name or give him a kiss.  He's a happy little boy and I hope every day he looks at life with fresh eyes like he has done for the past 4 years.

For myself as a mom to this adorable little person...I did myself a favor and I put down the "how to books" and began listening to my heart. I know this little boy is growing up so fast..he's already reading and spelling in school. So I've made it a goal to really enjoy him at this moment. I may rock him more than most, I may opt not to get ready and just lay in my bed with this guy, giving and getting kisses, listening to his little voice tell me stories or about his dreams. I've always wanted to look back on these days with no regret and know that I've taken it all in. I'm just following my mother instincts.

As I was thinking about this post, I was rocking my little boy to sleep, holding his hand, kissing his cheeks. I looked over and saw this framed reminder of something someone gave me over 4 years ago.... I remember reading it for the first time and I bawled (most of it was the pregnant hormones that we are all blessed with) but it says it all and it's perfect and it still makes me cry...

"Motherhood is the best change your body will go through. 

When you're a mom, suddenly the world is hopeful, happy, an amazing place to raise your child. 

Memories are brighter, and every tiny second starts to count. 

You're measuring your baby in days, months, years. 

The mind of a mother is never her own. 

And now, as you have this little boy in your arms you'll see that you are his life, his example, his nurturer..perfect or not. 

And the beauty is, he doesn't care. He just needs you. Your love is perfect for him. And it doesn't change, if he's a newborn, 7, 28, 50... 

You'll always be his mother. What an honor. What a privilege. It's pure joy. 

You'll learn more about you everyday and you're going to be awesome." 

So from one mom to the next..enjoy that little babe of yours, try not to put yourself down and enjoy all the little and big things because they just grow up way too fast...good thing I'll always be his mom and I'm so blessed that he's always going to be my son.

Happy 4 years my little bugg-a-boo.

1/12th

Wow, we are almost 1/12 through 2013.

I had high hopes for this year and so far it is filling the big shoes I set before it.

Highlights:

• finished up the divorce paperwork (finally) and I will be returned to the status of a single person on March 9th, 2013.
• Greyson started taking Ballet lessons and he loves it.  It was his bday prezzie from me, but I let him start STAT to take advantage of the timing of the classes.  It's totally ADORBS!!
• Jack is talking more and more and it's getting more understandable!  Go Jack!
• Work is as busy as ever... or should I say busier than ever... just trying to stay afloat.
• I started my second year of Project Life and I still love that project and am motivated to keep it going through this year as well.

here's a picture from when my hair was long.  It is ever so slowly getting there....  ugh... I think it's growing soooo sloooowwwwlly this time around.  Remind me again why I thought it would be cute to cut it?