baby I've got the blues...

In case you have been wondering why I haven't posted as much or as often as usual... it's because I've been dealing with a little bit of post-partum depression.  My kind wasn't the sad kind, it was the "I'm so anxious right now I have to puke" kind.  Apparently PPD can manifest itself as different things.  Personally, I always thought PPD meant you wanted to hurt yourself or hurl your baby off of a bridge.  I did not feel either of these things.  I.JUST.FELT.SOOOOOOO.ANXIOUS!!!  People don't really talk about it, PPD, as if it's taboo or something... but it is very, very common... especially after having a boy.  My guess is because of the boy hormones swimming around with all of the raging girl hormones... really causing some havoc in the head.

Anyway... I was able to admit to myself that I should go in and talk to someone, and now with the help of some medication, I am doing so much better.  I am actually on the downhill from this PPD and am starting to wean of the meds.  After assessing the whole situation I think it was a combination of a few things that really had my anxiety levels rise so much.  I didn't accept or ask for help from the very beginning.  This meant that I was on "baby duty" 24-7 for the first 6 weeks or so.  I'm sure I was running off of pure adrenaline at that point.  I was very sleep deprived and just exhausted all around.  At about the 8 week mark is when I really felt the anxiety hit.  I really think it was because of the major sleep deprivation and the constant "being on"  that I burnt myself out fast and hard.  I hadn't been doing anything for myself, by myself.... at all.  It was all about the baby.  Part of this may be because of the two miscarriages... that I didn't want to be away from this baby for even a minute.  Thankfully, like I said above, I am feeling much better and have taken some time for myself.  I also thank God that Greyson is sleeping for longer periods of time now too... that helps so much... to be able to sleep for 6+ hours in a row.  Now I need to learn to go to sleep (at night) when he does and I could actually get 8+ hours of sleep.  He has been a dream child thus far... I'm the one with the issues!

So, I apologize for not updating more often... and being quite lame overall.  Aside from being busy with the baby... I am trying to just simplify my life too.  I just can't do it all (not that I ever could before) right now and just have to do what I can.  If that means letting go of blogland once in awhile, then so be it.  One day I will return, with renewed energy.  Right now... keep the faith in me... I will post here and there.

Thanks for checking in.

Paybacks are a B!TCH

* warning.... this post contains waaaaaaayyyyyy TMI *
You've been warned.

OK... so ask any woman, whether she has been pregnant or not, what one of the great things about being pregnant is and she'll undoubtedly answer "no periods for 9 months!!!" Yes. It is such a nice thing to not have to deal with pads or poons and cramps and mood swings and... well, whatever it is that gets you down during "that time." Let me tell you though... Mother Nature has a sick sense of humor because she surely makes up for it when your little "gift" comes back again after popping that baby out. Holy Maxi Pad, Batman. It is no joke how bad the first period after birth is. Sheesh. I mean, you have no choice but to wear the industrial sized hot dog bun for a pad. And you soak it right up charlie! Unbelievable! The bleeding was bad, but the cramps seemed to be not so bad. Maybe it's because once you've experienced contractions, menstrual cramps seem like butterfly kisses. This may not be worthy of a post... but I had to put it out there as fair warning for those of you considering having a baby just to get rid of periods for awhile...

Happy Easter!

I think I have a toothache. Again... no time to *really* update with a wordy post... so here's a pic instead.

2 months and still truckin'

Well folks... it appears that I have survived 2 months of motherhood.... and the baby's head hasn't spun off yet! Good news for most. I'm not so sure that I am getting used to the lack of sleep... I'm just not wired that way... but I survive... thanks to a helpful husband that takes over in the a.m. so I can catch some z's. I don't like waking up with most of the morning gone... but ya have to pick your battles, yes?

Today was G's 2 month well-baby appointment... yes, the one where he gets his first series of vaccinations. OMG. I think I cried more than he did... poor guy. POOR ME. It is HEARTWRENCHING to see your kid have to be in pain. It's bad enough when it is an accident... but the kind that we (and when I say we I mean the big bad nurse) inflict on them? OMG. Ouch. Rightfully so, he was cranky the rest of the day... my punishment I guess for hurting him like that. How dare I protect him from life threatening illnesses? Anyway... he is down for the night (and when I say night, I mean until 2 a.m.) and I should be sleeping. I will lay down as soon as I update here. I promise.

Anyway... little dude is weighing in at 11 lbs 13 oz and is 23 inches long (both 50% range). His nugget measured in at some outrageous number I don't even want to list. He gets a big head from me... oh and his dad (75% range... yowza!).

I'm sorry that this blog has had so many "baby" posts lately... but frankly that is what my life has been all about lately. I'm starting to emerge from the gof (was supposed to say fog- clearly I'm not there yet). And will hopefully have more crafty or random things to post.

But, what would a post be without a pic? A lame attempt at a self-portrait.