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I have some Spanish neighbors that live across the street from me who always smile and wave when I see them. I always smile and wave back but I truly always wanted to yell “Hola!” to them like I see people do on television and in movies. HOWEVER, other than the basic.... and I mean BASICS... I suck at Spanish. I'm ever so slightly better than the average non-Spanish speaking gringo, only because I had a Mexican nanny for my boys for about 6 months and I was forced to communicate with her SOMEHOW if I wanted my kids to eat... so I learned a few more words, but I KNOW my grammar is awful. Soooo...I’m pretty self-conscious about speaking any foreign language in public. All this changed the other day when I OD'd on sleeping "aids" and NyQuil and I went out to my car to get something and I looked across the street just as my neighbor was walking to his car. I threw caution to the wind, threw up my hand and yelled “HOLA!” He smiled, threw up his hand and said “Hello! How are you?” I thought for a second and I yelled “Beuno! Beuno!” I. Was. On. Fire. I started thinking that maybe I’d move to New York and get a job at the United Nations as a translator.

I then quickly blurted out ”Feliz Navidad!” just like in that song. He said “Merry Christmas!” I just kind of stood there thinking while he stood beside his car. I was all out of Spanish because my Ambien-soaked mind could not come up with “adios” and all I could think of was #5 from my favorite Mexican restaurant, ”chimichanga” and I knew that couldn’t be right. He stood there waiting, because I’m pretty certain I had my mouth open like I was going to say something and then it hit me- WAIT. Is he even Spanish?! FUCK NO. The Spanish people live in the house beside him!

So I said “Umm, okay, goodbye” and quickly turned and ran into the house.