it's beginning to look a lot like... the flu

I have been kicked in the ass. In hindsight, it gave me some warning signs as early as Thursday afternoon. I bet it was that crying baby at Michael's. That baby probably had this strain of the bird-flu and it passed it on to me with it's violent crying. Anyway, hindsight is 20/20, and since I wear glasses, we know my eyesight is not 20/20. Therefore, this sucker snuck up on me like a schoolyard bully, kicking me in the shin, stealing my lunch money and sending me back to my mommy, crying like the big fat baby that I am. Holy shit. I can't remember the last time I have slept all day. Usually the shear act of calling in sick to work gives me a new-found energy that defies logic. This time was different. This time I called in (on Friday) and headed straight back to my bed, not moving again until about 5:30 p.m. No shit. I didn't eat, didn't drink (which doesn't support the whole "stay hydrated" theory), I didn't go pee (which totally supports the no drinking thing)... NOTHING. I had one foot in the grave. My sweet husband got me some dinner, which I forced down. About two hours later I went back to bed. This time was not as effortless as before. I was delirious with fever and I'm certain that my brain was frying and I was on the verge of a seizure. I had crazy dreams in the few minutes I was able to sleep and played horrible scenarios over and over in my mind in the hours that I was not. I have a very vivid and active imagination. Mostly brutal and violent scenarios. Too psychotic to repeat in this family friendly blog.
I had to wake up Saturday morning to take my car to the dealer's. Really just to drop it off and pick up my loaner b/c the Germans (and English) like to take their time when fixing the cars they've produced. Fine with me. I jumped in my beemer (loaner) which doesn't have seat warmers (yes, I live in San Diego and have seat warmers in my car), today I needed the seat warmers because if you've been paying attention... I have a fever and am freezing my body off (not just my ass). Making the most of my travels north, I stop at my LSS to pick up my check for teaching and pick up a few must haves. Still freezing, still feeling like poo, I push forward. I stop at the nearest CVS (drug store) to pick up some Tylenol (ours was all expired, WTF?) and some NyQuil, oh and some more deodorant... mmm... Secret, Asian Pear scent... mmm... love it. Finally back home, I change into PJ's and plant myself on the couch. Haven't eaten yet, I manage to choke down some oyster crackers. I somehow got some pizza into my stomach and vegged out in front of the tv watching a Lifetime marathon of Christmas movies. Good times. The NyQuil I took did NOTHING to help me sleep. So much for the sniffling, snuffling, snaffling medicine so you can sleep medicine... AGGGHHH.... I couldn't sleep and then started coughing and snorting, gagging, almost vomiting, and finally got up and went to the couch. There's no reason why Tony needed to suffer. I took some Tylenol and hocked up a few loogies. I think I finally fell asleep at like 4 a.m. I didn't get up off the couch until about 2 p.m., sleeping most of that time. This coming from a girl who CANNOT take naps. I can't. It is not possible for me to take a nap. I can run a freaking marathon and still not be able to take a nap. That's how horrible this thing is. It has kicked some ass and taken my name. It is NOT going away. I plan to go in to work tomorrow, possibly infect some people, and then with some luck come home early. I'm sure my co-workers think I just wanted an extended weekend. I always think that they think that when I call in. Call it Catholic guilt. Maybe in my feverish delirium tonight, I will meet with God and ask him about that Catholic guilt thing.