a HUGE sigh of relief...

I had my first "official" pre-natal appointment today... although I saw the doc at 6 weeks... okay... whatever.  Anyway... I had massive amounts of anxiety going in to this appointment because so far, I haven't made it to this point... seeing the baby grow to be more than a dot in a bubble.  The first time I wasn't even close and the second time I went in for my "12 week" appointment only to find the baby was only at 8 weeks and had no heartbeat.  So... if one more person tries to tell me to "relax" or to "not worry about it" or that "it will be fine" I will punch them in the face simply smile and walk away.  Trust me, it's not that easy.  I know all the tricks in the book... self-talk... deep breathing... shopping... eating... believe me... those thoughts still find a way to creep back into your head.

So you can imagine my HUGE RELIEF when the doc stuck the probe up my va-jay-jay and we got to see the little dude (or dudette), dancing to the beat of that little heart.  Mama Jean was right there by my side (the husband is still traveling for work) and we both burst out in tears... ok, so I burst, she just teared up.  I bawled my head off.  Trust me, they were tears of pure joy, not sadness.  I was so relieved.  I don't know how else to put it other than I felt like I could finally breathe and relax and for gosh sakes... GO BABY SHOPPING!!!  (not for a new baby, for baby stuff for THIS baby!).  I think the doc thinks I'm a freak-a-zoid.  Who cares man?  

Cute moment of the day was when we went in for one more look at the bebe and we caught him/her shaking his/her head... as if saying no, no, no.    So exciting.

The rest of the appointment went as expected.  Next one is in 6 weeks.  Hello?  That is way too long to wait to see the bebe again... I totally get why Tom Cruise bought Katie Holmes their very own sonogram machine.  I'd be checking in on things every week!!!

Thanks for all of the prayers and good thoughts.... it worked!