what?

The other day I was asked why I was crying... granted it was during a pretty intense conversation... but let's put things in perspective... getting the wrong order at Starbuck's can send me into uncontrollable tears, let alone an intense conversation that was not going well. So, to answer the question... why am I crying? Uh... duh... not only is losing a preganancy really really really freaking SAD... but now I get to deal with the hormone circus going on in my body. I can only assume that THIS is what post-partum depression is like... and if if is... HOLY SHIT! The worst part is that after running from the barista with a half-caf, decaf, one pump, no foam, no whip blah blah blah and walking around like a zombie all day... I have no little bundle of joy to say "it's all worth it." Guess what... THAT'S WHY I'M CRYING. Shit.

So besides this "situation" I also have to keep everyone happy when it comes to wedding #2... because it's all about them... right? Shit again. (I just want to cuss left and right, but I'm holding back). 14 more days of mr nice guy. 14. I am counting them down. After these 14 days... I'm no loger going to bend over backwards to please everyone else. I have my reasons for doing it for the next 14 days. After that though... watch out.

Nobody understands... I know this much is true... unless you've been through it. I'm not sure how long this will last, but WTF? I'm not very happy right now and one of the hardest parts is putting on a happy face for others. Screw it. After this weekend, after next weekend (the Nike 1/2 marathon), and after the next weekend (wedding #2), no more happy faces. Maybe THEN I can get over it by not holding it all in all of the time. I am going into hibernation for a couple of months. I don't want to see anybody, talk to anybody, do anything... NOTHING.